Fade

A quick literate doodle. Just. Bleh.

_____________________________________________________________________

Screeching tires. My parents were dead, lying cold in the morgue. The car crash had taken their lives and left behind four children. There were no grandparents, no aunts or uncles. They had no one. The oldest child, at twenty, would take care of them

It had been like this for a while, but I didn’t talk about it. I just ignored it, pretending that one day it would go, it would leave. Something in my mind felt out of place. I had this urge to break things, this strange need to be destructive. I wanted some one else to fell the pain that I had bottled up inside me, the hurt. I wanted to scream. I wanted to express myself.

My brother did it for me.

I remember his face, so happy, so bright, alive. Then is was gone, faded into the hazy mist of my past, of my memories. Just another happy moment best forgotten. Just something more to cause pain.

The car had slammed int othe concrete wall. My brother had died on impact. It was delibereate, no accident. No one had known what he was going through, what he had been planning. No going back now.

Still, I fought back the raw emotion raging in me.

End it, my little inner voice said. Finish this.

I stayed my hand. While I fought my battle, I was unaware of the crisis my younger brother was going through. It wasn’t until he was hanging from the gymnasium rafters that I realised, he had been fighting too.

That just left me and my little sister, she was barely even two years old. I wasn’t paying attention. The car was stopped at a red light. I should have locked the doors. I didn’t.

I was on the street, lying frozen in the gutter. Helplessly, my ming screaming, I watched as my little sister was tossed out after me. I watched as another car slammed on its brakes too late.

My heart hardened. Sorrow sank into my soul. Darkness settled on my shoulders. That was it. The battle was lost. I had to end it.

The ocean shimmered in the dying afternoon sunlight. Orange and gold light danced across its mirror like surface. Waves threw themselves against the jagged rocks lining the bottom of the cliff. I couldn’t see any of it.

All I could see was my past. The things, the people that I had known. I saw my family, gathered on the lawn, laughing once more. It was just a dream.

I shook myself, hating who I was, what it had come to. My hand hung heavy at my side, weighed down, my eyes stared at the horizon, unseeing.

As I stood, unmoving, thoughts whirled around in my mind. So far as I could see, I had two choices left to me. And they were just variations that ended the same. It was easier to forget, easier to let go.

It is simple. Just do it.

I shivered, my heavy hand moving slowly. I was just so tired.

End this battle, finish the fight.

I closed my eyes. Red from the sun flickered against the backs of my eyelids.

End it.

I pulled the trigger.

 

Blam!

Light. A bright flash of white light. Pain. Darkness.

A German Sheppard and big black Labrador rolled around in the long waving green grass of a paddock. The sky was a magnificent blue and large fluffy clouds floated lazily across the sky.

Static interrupted the image and black and white danced across the scene as it disappeared. Pain.

A small boy with ruffled brown hair smiled happily holding the hand of an unseen person. He laughed and tugged on the hand.

Fog rolled in on the image and it vanished, more static.

The sun was shining down on a girl on horse back; she had no features, just a blurry, colourless outline. A farm house was visible in the background. Like the woman, it had no distinguishable features.

Static.

It was cold and the fire was warm and crackled soundlessly. The blurry woman sat on a large couch in front of the fire curled up with an equally indistinct man. Children hid on the staircase.

Static.

It was Christmas and the two dogs lay on the hearth in front of the fire. A Chrismas tree stood in one corner with presents underneath. The blurry man and woman sat on the floor with the dark haired boy opening the boxes. An older boy sat on a chair and a girl was spread out on the rug. The woman’s belly was swollen with another child.

Pain. Static. Ear-shattering screams echoed in an unseen room.

Blackness. Pain. More darkness.

Intense light. Nothing but a bright white light.

A throbbing pain. Blackness.

Drip.

Water. I could taste metal. Cold.

Drip. Drip.

Drip.

Pain. Darkness.

Splash!

No more would her heart pulse with the life within.

The battle was over.

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~ by reliquiaen on April 12, 2012.

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